I am not sure if I know for certain….What kind of girl am I in life? Am I sad, cheerful, serious, or deeply melancholic? I find it difficult to pin down. Sometimes, I believe I am happy, yet there are moments when I wonder if I’m neglecting myself. To say that I am unhappy might be a great mistake in the eyes of others. Yet, every day, that persistent question haunts me.
In our culture, influenced by religion, upbringing, and tradition, we are taught that everyone should live with gratitude regardless of their circumstances—whether sad, wealthy, sick, or healthy. “Be patient, for patience is golden,” the proverb says. But I feel that golden patience slowly slipping away from me. How true is that, really?
Difficulties seem to appear when I dare to think I’ve found happiness. Why, then, does God withhold this simple joy that I see other girls experiencing? I know that even asking such a question is seen as a grave mistake by many. But striving for the happiness I’ve long dreamed of only to feel it drift further away when it seems within reach is disheartening. Within 24 hours, dreams and goals that felt sweet can become distorted, and falling into a spiral of despair feels like a true misfortune.
I understand that happiness is measured differently for each person. What I am saying might sound absurd or even foolish to some. It’s hard to hear your own voice when you live in a quiet, dark place where peace feels like an illusion. Yes, I am healthy, I am alive—but sometimes those facts don’t translate into feeling alive. When the happiness you’ve cherished in your heart becomes foreign, it deepens into a sense that you might never truly achieve it, leading to a profound unhappiness.
You try, you run, you fight to sail through it—and yet, again and again, you reach no result. These moments blind you, dulling your senses to the happiness that’s right in front of you. To escape this state, you summon all your strength and begin again from zero, endlessly chasing that elusive feeling, only to realize that time has slipped by unnoticed. Is that what happiness really is?
- “Have you ever felt this way, too?”
- “What does happiness mean to you?”
It is very inspiring